When Elijah got depressed, he went to God. When we wanted to inquire about something we are not assured of or we feel uncertain about it, we should inquire the Lord, instead of wrestling with God. During those times, he asked God to take away his life because of the fear of being killed by his enemies. Elijah ran directly to God.
In this long journey on earth, we should remember we are just foreigners. We are in a long exile. Sometimes in the wilderness. Sometimes in a mountain. Sometimes in a dessert. Sometimes in the brook, river or running water. Wherever we are, we must understood, that God is always after us, not against us.
Elijah, desperately wanted to hear God’s voice and wanted to earnestly seek Him, traveled from Bersheeba to Horeb in forty days and forty nights. In reality of life, we got too busy on doing many things, meeting deadlines, were discouraged sometimes, felt physically weak and so much determined to get up early expecting not to be late. I personally experienced those things. Like Elijah, I also experienced that I became so restless. I need to have personal encounter of God’s presence, because I am limited and nothing without Him. Truly, nothing more that can sustain and satisfy a weary soul, than going to God alone. I was in a distressing moment this week. I was so desperate to quit on my job. I was so desperate to let God take away my life, too.
During that moment, God spoke to me in my weary soul and cast down spirit through a vision. It happened to me afternoon while I was sitting on a chair at home. The radiant sun which lighted up the whole vast sky stood behind the holy mountain hill planted with some green trees. I saw a white man, and believed it was God Himself, standing at the left side of the mountain waiting for His child with His open arms. On the other side of the mountain hill, I saw a little girl with white long dress, weeping with tears yet exuberantly running towards His Lord and Master. I saw the vision twice, with both eyes open. I supposed to close my eyes when I first saw the vision which lasted only two to three seconds. Then, it showed up again. My heart broke that I was nearly to cry.
Then, minutes after, I ran immediately to my room, knelt down in prayer, wept so desperately to Him and asked God to comfort me. There was feeling of too much despair. I’ve realized, I was the little girl desperately running towards God in the vision I saw that afternoon. I was crying several times to God that day and began pouring my heart to Him alone. And, that was the very first time I experienced that after my water baptism in August 2019.
God made me realized, I really need to submit to Him and to rely on Him alone. That my heart, must be totally submitted, committed to Him and must be totally dependent on God alone.
“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:16
This afternoon, the rain poured heavily. I was to do my school stuffs yet I felt that God was directing me to stay in my former room. I saw the rain pouring out in the window. I gazed some parts of the room which I missed for several months. After praying, the rain stopped. While watching the live podcast of a Saturday church service in my laptop, I saw the birds which freely flew in sky. They could go freely wherever they wanted to. Suddenly, I was reminded by a verse in the bible, which says, “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” (Matthew 6:26). I stared the sky and felt some peace in my heart. When I looked afar, I saw the radiance of the sun, which reminded me of the vision I saw few days ago. It reminded me of God’s unfailing love and mercy which gave me peace that transcends all understanding while sitting down in my former bed.
I’ve realized that I missed out some of His creations and gazing out the beauty of the sun and its light because of the busyness of this world. It was the very first time I stared the sun again and watched the sky with awe.
But, what made me more realized at this very moment, is, we sometimes missed out the beauty of the “Son” and amazed by His light because we are too focused and pressured in doing things just to satisfy our restless souls. Later, we would realize that His burden is really light. That we can run towards of our Father in heaven anytime, most especially in times of need.
“One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.” Psalm 27:4
God wants us to be like the heart of David which desired to spend time with the Lord everyday, to give our full attention to Him, to cast and to surrender all our anxieties to Him and to let the Lord ministers and works in our lives. We are not God, but we have God who can amaze us everyday on how He turns around our own circumstances, how He transforms our hearts and directly works in our own lives.
Sometimes, we need to pause like Elijah. We need to have personal genuine encounter with God and wait for His voice that will calm our hearts so that we will have clear redirection.
We can not simply turn away from the amazing grace of the Lord each day. We can not out run God’s steadfast love and unfailing mercy in our own lives. In other words, we can never ever run away from God’s true love for us each day. Because, each day, His mercy are new every morning.
“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” Lamentations 3:22-24
Today, let’s take a break and be reminded of God’s love and the blood He shed for me and you.
Indeed, He is always willing to wait for us with his open arms and that is the steadfast love of a good, good Father we can never out run to.