Before the pandemic has started, I usually get up to work without eating breakfast. I knew how to cook an egg, but I did not know how to make a perfect one. There were times that my siblings would tell me nasty words because of a burnt egg. I started panicking whenever I faced the stove and the pan and even the oven. That’s why this year, I started loving scrambled eggs because that is the best way for me to say, “finally, I made it”. But the thing is, I got tired of eating scrambled eggs with tomato as sauce. I prefer to eat hotdogs. Until, I got tired of eating hotdogs, too. My mom reacted on my physical weight, so I felt there are some foods I need to eat and not to eat.
This week, the Lord told me something in my personal joyful time with Him, “You will get a stress less job today!” I got a good news but little did I know that He was referring to cooking which was one of my fears in life. I got excited on a Thursday morning and waited for calls from friends who might offer me a stress less job. Later in the afternoon, I was able to face one of my fears: cooking. I saw some potatoes and string beans in the table, but I didn’t know how can I use them for cooking. I opened the refrigerator and saw a very small peeled carrot, garlic, onion, left over one piece chicken from Adobo a night before that and a small left over lettuce. The Lord has provided me wisdom that before I went to kitchen, He showed me a short vlog about stir frying Baguio beans and carrot. I got all those ingredients and began preparing them by myself. I sliced them the way I thought it would be best. Next, I told my sister to fry the sliced potatoes for me because she was frying camote and some potatoes also. Soon after, I saw her preparing caramel for fries and for her camote while I was waiting for my fries to be cooked. I put the caramel on the side of the plate and I didn’t know that once it would turn cool, the caramel would be so stiff. So, I returned the cooled sugar into the pan and reheated it. My fries weren’t cook yet and I was planning to put some caramel on top as some chefs do. When the caramel was finally made, I got a plastic side plate. I put the side plate on my plate where my stir fried string beans and carrots with few lettuce were placed. Suddenly, I saw the caramel being poured out on the lettuce and on the plate itself because the plastic side plate got burnt, too. The plating of food was significant to me because I wanted to make it a perfect instagrammable style. In the end, I got no choice but to accept the fact that it was a nice try.
The next day, I got a new recipe from watching vlogs. I started imaging myself cooking the food I craved to cook. I bought butter and used the left over string beans in the storage. This time, I cooked my own version of garlic green beans. The texture was not satisfying, but I enjoyed the taste of the butter and the garlic. It looked little oily but it was not too salty.
I was not perfect. I made mistakes. I still have flaws. This is the season that God is leveling me up, by trying something new. I got new recipe from God that it was not hard to love ourselves. We may fear some things to try for the fear of criticisms or wrong judgments from the other people, but God has our back. We should not restrain ourselves for embracing different things because sometimes it is a window for us to see new level of ourselves. When I cooked the stir fried beans and carrots with salted potato and lettuce, I had no concrete plan about it. I did not even know what I would cook that day. I didn’t even recognize that stress less job God has referring to was cooking. I just felt at peace that I was doing that, God was there instructing me what to do and how to do it. Although I made some mistakes, I was comfortable and still cheerful because God wants to builds my confidence, not just in cooking, but also my confidence as a person, as a human being. I might fail and hear nasty words again, but God didn’t allow me to see that I was a failure. He loves me so much and I know he guided me through. I may perhaps see myself that again, but He reminds me who I am in Him and who is Christ in me. I was extremely calm when I didn’t expect to see the caramel turned cool, but the Lord gave me a nudge to reheat it. I was still calm when I saw some caramel sauce running over through the hole of the side plate.
God made me realize that he has one recipe in all our season, in all those circumstances in our lives and that is love.
“We love because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:19 NIV
Whether we fail or made some mistakes, He still loves us. Whether we felt weak or strong or impatient or unrecognized by the others, He still loves us. Whatever emotion we have or what circumstances we are in, He still loves us.
God was so amazing that when I prayed that He builds my confidence, He had a higher, an unthinkable and an impressive way of thought of how to answer this prayer. Gladly, I saw, I tasted and I experienced the most satisfying, irreplaceable, priceless and most perfect ingredient from my new found recipe: God’s love.
The Heiress with A Heart 